WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE?

Sunday, January 22, 2017

by Sara

How often do you catch yourself commenting things like: “Gosh, why is she posing naked? This is so cheap. I would never do this.” or “She’s in a relationship with this old man. This is so disgusting.” Now tell me, how are you feeling at this very moment when you say these words? Do you feel good, happy, or rather frustrated, full of negativity? Now let me tell you something:

You’ll never feel good when you start talking or thinking badly of anyone.

If people stopped judging each other for their actions, the world would be such a better place. Who are we to judge if someone’s lifestyle and actions are right or wrong? And what is the criterion for THE right action or decision? Our own ones? But who told us that they’re right? I’m not proud to admit this, but not so long ago I was the poster child of a person who judged everyone who was not acting according to her own principles. Looking back now, I realize how bad that was, how unhappy this state of mind was making me and how much happier I am right now that I finally managed to change this. This is something I’ve been reflecting on much lately and that’s why I want to share it with you.

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Before you start judging someone’s actions, do you ever ask yourself why the person is doing these particular things he or she is doing? Do you try to understand the background of these actions? What if showing skin and posing naked is totally right according to the parenting of this woman; or in the culture she belongs to? Or what if she is doing it because of one very simple reason – it makes her happy when she gets compliments on her appearance?

Isn’t life exactly about this one simple thing – being happy?

That’s the very thing I’m getting at in this blog post – happiness. If you have read my blog post about New Year’s resolutions, you know that I have only one resolution this year – namely being happy. Last year, certain events occurred in my life that forced me to completely change my lifestyle and start thinking about my life and especially myself, my health and happiness. I realized that being happy is the most important thing in one’s life. Why are we doing things that make us unhappy, things that make us feel depressed or frustrated? I know the statement “You only live once” is quite washed-out, but it is still true. However, unfortunately people mostly learn this lesson the hard way. I learned it the hard way, but I’m happy that I learned it at all.

Now instead of judging people further on for their actions, why don’t we let them do the things that make them happy? If you want to do something – do it!!! As long as it makes you happy and as long as it doesn’t do harm to other people, because

You just can’t build your own happiness on someone else’s pain.

I bet you also do certain things that other people judge you for! Right at this moment I can tell you quite a long list of things that people are judging me for, and guess what? I don’t care! I still do them.  Here are some examples that I hear over and over again:

 

“Why don’t you have any children yet? You’ve been married for 6 years now.”

“When are you planning on having children? You’re already 26. What are you waiting for?”

“How is it possible that you still go clubbing until early morning hours? I mean, you are married.”

“Why are you posting pictures in a bikini? You are married. Doesn’t your husband mind?”

“You can’t have male friends. You are married.”

“You can’t travel without your husband. It’s just not ok.”

“Why are you letting your husband travel without you?”

 

You know why? Because I’m good with that and my husband is good with that; And as long we are happy the way we live our lives, everything is just fine. You may have noticed that in my case the most judgments are related to the fact that I’m married. Just because I’m married, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have my own life and freedom anymore.

What I‘m getting at is that every one of us is doing certain things in our lives that other people don’t approve of; so who are we to judge? Not a single one of us is flawless. If the woman is dating a man who is 20 years older than her, just let her. It doesn’t instantly mean that she is after his money. Maybe she really loves him. If the other woman is posing half-naked, let her do it. Is she doing any harm to you by that? No, she is not! So why do you care at all?

From my own experience, I can really entrust to you to stop doing this. Every time you catch yourself getting into the trap of judging someone, try consciously to hold back. Believe me, you have no idea how much more peaceful and happier you’ll become.

Now tell me, are there any of your actions or life decisions you are aware that people don’t approve of; Or are there any particular actions you’ve recently judged someone for? I would really love to read your experiences.

© Pic by Patrick Sabo

4 Responses
  • Hannah
    January 22, 2017

    You’re not the only one that struggles/struggled to not judge people! It’s a naturally thing to do but looking past people’s differences is SO IMPORTANT! I love that you are boldly making that known!!!!

    • The Cosmopolitas
      January 26, 2017

      Thank you very much dear Hannah!!! You’re totally right. It’s unfortunately a natural thing and we always want to know how others are living and why, but I just think… If I don’t like being judged by others, why am I doing it all the time?

  • Gunhild
    January 22, 2017

    Such a good post and I completely agree with you. I don’t know why people feel the need to judge others and how they choose to live. I’m not perfect myself, but one thing I’ve noticed is as I’ve slowly began to do the things I want to (but haven’t dared before because of fear of being judged) my own need to judge others disappears. It also helps to gain experience in life and to get to know people you wouldn’t normally hang out with. I think I unconsciously judge people all the time, I think it’s very natural, but I try to be aware and “talk my self out of it”. And like I said, when I’m happy and doing what I love I feel no need to care about how others live their lives.

    • The Cosmopolitas
      January 26, 2017

      Dear Gunhild,

      I’m so happy that you like my blog post. You’re totally right. People often don’t do things they want, just because of the fear they will be judged. And that’s the point when we become unhappy, because we don’t live the life we actually want to live, but he life others want us to live :(.

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